HOW TO SURVIVE LIVING WITH DECEPTICONS
by catincanada
Summary: Just a few rules for human decepticon agents to follow when living at the decepticon base. Ignore at your own peril.
1. Rules 1 to 10

OK so here's the usual requisite disclaimer: Firstly, in case any of you didn't already know or guess this, I don't own the Transformers or anything to do with them (I can only wish did). And ... Secondly, I'm not making anything off this story so please don't think of suing if you do happen to be the one that does own the Transformers (I'm dirt poor so if ya did sue it hell would probably freeze over before I could pay ya especially since I'm not making 1 red cent writing this).

Secondary disclaimer... This fanfic was inspired by the several fanfics about what to do/not do when living with autobots/decepticons/transformers but I am not stealing their ideas I am doing my own take on it in my own style and it will be hopefully totally different from theirs (their stories inspired me to do mine).

So now that the disclaimer's out of the way, this is my first transformer fan-fiction. If you see any mistakes in this please let me know. Now on with the show...

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Well, it seems I got asked nicely to write up a list of rules for all the human decepticon agents living here with the decepticons at the base (and for any that might want to live here in the future). Apparently since I'm the lowest on the totem pole next to the other humans living here, I get to write it up. Oh lucky me. Actually I got Megatron's giant canon shoved in my face with him yelling at me to **"Write up some rules to control your **_(insert your Untranslatable cybertronian insults and insults here)_ **underlings or else!".**

So... here she goes...

the list of rules for:

**HOW TO SURVIVE LIVING WITH DECEPTICONS**

**1.** Never argue with a Decepticon. If you do, well... Lets just say you only get 1 argument before you're out, like in baseball but permanently.

**2.** Never make comments about their energon. You can like it, hate it, wonder why its that color, but never never comment on it. You DON"T want to end up wearing it. Seriously, the last human that did... Well …. He isn't commenting on anything anymore, ever.

**3. **Never make bets with Decepticons. I mean never. I mean sure it's OK if you loose, but never, and I mean NEVER, win at any cost. You just DO NOT want to see what will happen if you win and they loose. Especially never bet with them unless you're bigger then them, better armored and have bigger guns. Seriously.

**4. **Do NOT dare Skywarp to do anything. Just don't. He'll get caught and tell on you and then YOU will be the one in trouble not him and you'll wind up in the brig if you even make it that far. If you do you're really lucky. I did say lucky right? Well considering the alternative... Speaking of which, chances are when you get out of the brig you'll be cleaning up Skywarp's mess (and if your really lucky, you'll also be cleaning up the grease stain left by the last unlucky person who dared Skywarp).

**5**. Never smile, smirk, laugh, chuckle or otherwise show amusement when Starscream's in trouble. You will NOT like the results which will be A) it will P'O' Megatron. And... B) it will P'O' Starscream.

**6**. **Never P'O' Megatron.** Seriously have you seen the size of his guns? No NOT THOSE guns! Sheesh, I swear that's all you decepticons have on your minds these days. His canons. Look at the size of them. Oi! Not those. *points up to canons* Those! not... ookie. I give up. Next rule... **(*hates writing the rules with a certain someone looking over my shoulder*)**

**7.** Never P'O' Starscream. He probably won't shoot you for it but he'll make your life a living hell for it for as long as he lives (which basically means, you are doomed!) He can be really creative doing so too, after all he used to be a scientist. Didn't he create the... no not that... but he created the... oh your right, that was... but he... no? OK next rule please!

**8.** Never go to Decepticon parties! Never! Seriously, do you want to have to dodge spilled energon and falling cybernetic organisms? A Decepticon party for a human is like one huge as obstacle course but with the added benefit of all the obstacles being lethal if you fail it. Nice hmm?

**9.** Never tell jokes to Soundwave. You'd have better luck getting a rock to crack a smile. You have been warned. Disobey at your own peril. The last person who insisted on telling Soundwave jokes and didn't desist in time got sent to Hook for a medical exam. Come to think of it ... he still hasn't come back from there.

**10.** Never pick fights with any of the casetticons unless your a cybertronian. That rule SHOULD be self explanatory to anyone except... (insert your favorite dunderhead's name here). It took me like forever to clean up after... what was his name again? Never mind. Not like he's using it anymore anyway. Took me forever to clean up after whats his name fought the casseticons and lost. Kept finding bits everywhere for weeks afterward.

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So... What do you think? Should I write more rules to surviving the Decepticons? Please read and review.

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Special shout out to Wannabe_Starscream who's story 'Starscream's List' was of inspiration to me.


	2. rules 11 to 20

OK, to sum up requisite disclaimers: I don't own transformers I'm not making a penny off this please don't sue (for my full in depth disclaimer please refer back to the top of chapter 1).

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Shout out to my first reviewer Tai Prime, glad you thought so, thanks.

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so...

without further delay...

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**How to Survive Living with Decepticons - pt 2**

**11.** Always and I mean ALWAYS keep your weapons loaded primed and ready for use even when you go to bed or recharge. You never know when you might need them.

**12.** Do NOT put your weapon under you pillow, ever! On second thoughts, if your so stupid you can't find a better place in your berth for it then under your pillow, you deserve what you get, and it will be one less liability in battle (stupid warriors are liabilities) to us too so... Go ahead, put it under your pillow, I dare you to.

**13. **Never prank Megatron by yelling out "Optimus Prime!". Unless. of course, you need a new fire exit made in a hurry. Be advised, breaking this rule is hazardous to your health EVEN if you aren't standing in front of Megatron's canon. Not that canon! His other canon! (Can't believe the decepticon looking over my shoulder is doing this again). Not that Canon *Points to canonthen ends up running for my life when Megatron sees and misunderstands*

**14. **Never point at Megatron's canons (or any other part of Megatron) ever! Especially never point at him if your weapon is in, or on, your hand or arm. He'll misunderstand your intention (or understand it all too well in the case of a certain decepticon I shall not name). You'll be lucky if you get thrown in the brig, really lucky. If your not lucky, there wont be any more misunderstandings ever again. I was lucky.

**15. Never point at any decepticon**, especially Megatron **EVEN IF **your unarmed! They'll misunderstand and you'll be running for your life ASAP. Speaking of...Pointing at them unarmed... Why the heck were you unarmed?

**16. **Never ever ever go unarmed around the base! Never! Don't even shower unarmed, you never know who may want your position or have a grudge against you. On second thoughts... Do go around unarmed! Do! It will make it easier for me to get promoted to your position.

**17. **Never go unarmed anywhere ever. You never know when you might encounter an autobot( or one of their well armed human military pals). If you're unarmed you deserve what you get. On second thoughts... Go unarmed! Go unarmed! When you get off-lined I'll be ready to take your place in the hierarchy. Then again... Don't. I don't need the extra workload.

**18. **Never bet Thundercracker you can make more noise then him. Why are you betting against decepticons! We already went over that in rule 3! I don't care if you can't hear me. Read the rules! Read them! What do you think they're there for? Don't answer that. You didn't hear me anyways so you can't answer that. That's what you get for betting you can make more noise then Thundercracker.

**19. **Never taunt the auto-boobs. I know they're fun to pick on. Don't do it. You'll get enough of their firing on you in battles as it is, you don't need to bring more on yourself. I don't care if they're soft-sparked! They're still trying to kill you so don't make them want to kill you even more! If you have such a massive death-wish go see Hook for a medical exam, the last guy who went (Soundwave sent him) still isn't back yet, maybe you'll keep him company there.

**20. **Do not play tag your it with the casetticons. I know tag is fun but grow up, your in the decepticon army now, so act like it. On second thoughts if your dumb enough to play tag with them...just don't expect me to volunteer for clean up duty when your done, and I don't do hamburgers either.

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That's all for now

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Should I keep going? Or call it a story?

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I'll try and update regularly if you want me to continue but frequency will vary with my work schedule.


	3. rules 21 to 27

OK , requisite disclaimer: Don't own, not making money from this, please don't sue if you DO own (full disclaimer can be found in chapter 1)

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reviewer and fave story/fave author adds shout outs:

Hey Starbee thanks for reviewing. Re your review comment, sure why not. I suppose I can add some reviewer suggested rules, including yours. No problem.

xxhope001xx thanks for the add.

**Note re reviewer suggestions:**

I'm not promising all suggestions will be able to be used or where in the rules I will fit them in but reviewer suggestions to rules to add are welcomed but I'll try and fit them in somewhere.

Depending on the suggestion it may take a while to add it especially if its lets say a suggestion to ban something like a song or singer (because I may not even have heard of the singer/song and may wanna check it out to see why it would be banned before adding it to the list).

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We now return you to our scheduled program already in progress.

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**How to Survive Living with Decepticons pt. 3**

Wow! I did such a great job of writing the first 20 rules I got a commendation and was asked to continue writing the list of rules for human/decepticon interaction here at the base. I am so thrilled. **Not!**

Actually I ended up on the receiving end of you know who's canon again being told to write more rules to control my (insert untranslatable cybertronian) and on top of that I ended up facing an irate Soundwave who told me in no uncertain terms to add to the list rules pertaining to contraband under penalty of (insert untranslatable cybertronian). Believe me, an Irate Soundwave is a scary Soundwave. And you thought he was scary normally? Do not P' O' him. You will know just how scary he can be.

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21. All human decepticon agents are now and forevermore banned from visibly displaying the decepticon logo anywhere on their persons during infiltration missions. I MEAN, REALLY...Could you even paint a bigger target on yourself then yell decepticon here come and get me?If you are on an infiltration mission that means you are UNDERCOVER! No sporting team decepticon logos while undercover. Ever

22. All human decepticon agents are now permanently banned from decepticon logo facial tattoos forever! (SEE RULE 21!). While Megatron may approve of wearing an eternal declaration of undying loyalty and affiliation to the cause on your person, I do NOT IF it gets in the way of accomplishing an infiltration mission. Human decepticon John Doe is hereby confined to the brig for the rest of his natural lifespan for breaking rules 21 AND 22! It doesn't matter if you CLAIM you didn't know, I DID cover it in your induction training even IF I hadn't written it down before. Megatron would not allow me to terminate John Doe's contract permanently because undying loyalty to the decepticon cause is to be rewarded. That, AND, he makes a cute mascot with his purple face. I did NOT just say that. I did not. Megatron did when he extended his lifetime contract (though I MAY have paraphrased what he said).

23. It is forbidden to ever mention the details of rule 22 to Megatron under penalty of ... JUST DON'T DO IT. If you do, lets just say, whatever hell Starscream could make you life into if you break rules 5 and/or 7 will seem like small potatoes compared to what I'll do to you if you do. Lets just end it by saying, you'll wish the Un-maker had gotten to you instead of me (and you'll be shaking hands with him sooner then expected too).

24.** Silly String is now banned from the base permanently by order of Soundwave under penalty of death for infraction. **Silly String does NOT mix well with cassette gears and tape player cogs (nor for that matter does it mix well with any other visual or audio equipment parts) so keep it away from my CD player too), and apparently, it jams cassette decks shut. So... NO SILLY STRING. EVER.

25. Silly Putty is strictly forbidden. No exceptions. It can have serious repercussions when mistaken for plastic explosives and vice versa.

26. Never practice the Abbot and Costello routine "who's on first?" on the base. It gives ALL the mechs processor aches.

27. Lady Gag gag gaga, whatever is permanently banned from the decepticon base by order of Soundwave. The audio frequencies she attains when vocalizing certain consonants gives Soundwave processor aches. Heh better him then me (I hate headaches).


	4. rules 28 to 37

OK , requisite disclaimer: Don't own, not making money from this, please don't sue if you DO own (full disclaimer can be found in chapter 1)

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Shoutouts:

Deceptichick02, deceptifemme, transformers diva, MISCrasyaboutfanfics, mooncrossed, Blatherskite3, Starscream's Squishy, headlong-for-freedom, shadowcat123, profist of doom, and Womerra thanks for the reviews and/or adds. Hope I didn't typo your names (I have a bad habit of forgetting to spellcheck sometimes)

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We now return to transformers.

**How to Survive Living with Decepticons - pt 4**

Well, I'm back again with more rules for you human decepticon agents. I cannot believe how much trouble you get yourselves into. What are you? Babies? Sparklings? Puppy dogs? Seriously. I just cannot get over the fact that I have to write up even more rules for you.

**28. **It is now strictly forbidden to paint any of the decepticons Orange ever. Starscream is still trying to get all the orange paint out of his thrusters. You better HOPE I find out which of you did that to all of the high command before they do.

**29. **Yarbrough & Peoples Don't stop the music is not to be taken literally. Nix that. ALL versions of ALL songs that say state imply or are named don't stop the music are not to be taken literally. I got a headache from Starscream, Thundercracker and Swindle yelling Stop the music all night long after Skywarp got his hands on it and played it continuously all night long.

**30. **From here on out ALL Abbott and Costello routines are banned from the base forever. No performing them, referring to them, quoting them, listening to them watching them or having anything else to do with them. The penalty for breaking this rule a medical exam by hook followed by a 3 debriefing by Soundwave followed by a stint in the brig IF your lucky.

**31. **I cannot even believe I have to write this rule but here it goes... NO calling Megatron Meggsy or Megs or Meg, tron, tronny, Mt Megan (and especially not Megan Follows) ever and No calling Soundwave Soundy, Sounders, Sounds, Wavey, Wave, Boomer, Boombox, Boxy, Cass, or anything else other then his designation of Soundwave. And NO calling Starscream Screamer, Screamy, Scream, Creamy, Star, Starsky or anything else not his name. Under penalty of (insert untranslatable but of obvious meaning cybertronian here). Seriously. Are you all deranged?

**32. **It is hereafter forbidden to make hammocks out of taffy-pulls.

**33. **It is hereafter forbidden to discuss anything relating to the incident that required the institution of rule 32.

I am STIll picking taffy out of my... You know what? you don't need to know what I'm still picking taffy out of. Forget I mentioned it but Do not forget or break this rule under strictest penalty.

**34. **It is now forbidden to substitute pink cool aid colored sugar syrup for all forms of energon including but NOT limited to high grade. This rule is to be obeyed under penalty up to and including any of the following depending on who is involved. An azz whooping by giant sentient evil alien robotic organisms from the far off planet of cybertron, permanent and painful discombobulation, internment in the brig for the duration of your natural lifespan, permanent banishment to a subspace containment locker and a medical exam by hook or being assigned to hook as a guinea pig for human biological researches that benefit the decepticon cause. Please NOTE that any or all of these may and will be implemented should you break this rule up to and including the possibility of all of them being enacted as punishment for doing so.

**35. **Human decepticon agents are now permanently and forever banned from tasting, touching, consuming energon or even looking sideways at any grade, formulation or form of energon under penalty of eternal banishment to hooks medical ward (assuming you make it that far).

**36. **It is now strictly forbidden for any human decepticon agents to make prank phone calls or prank comm calls to any and all autobots or anyone else. You have more important things you should be doing like helping win the war against the autobots rather then making prank calls. This includes calling their base and asking their human allies "Is your refrigerator running" and then saying "Well you better catch it before it gets away" and also calling stores and asking "Do you have prince albert in a can" and then saying "well then you better let him out before he suffocates"

**37. **The Adams family theme song is now forbidden. The cons do not like it. It makes them self conscious that they can't creep out humans as well as the Adams Family could. You do not want to be around self conscious decepticons. Mark my words. You just don't

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Well after a long hiatus caused by writers block and being busy I'm back. Sorry it took so long. I was stuck for quite a while. Thank you dear readers for sticking with me. Hopefully my muse will stick around now and not go on vacation again. Suggestions are welcome (no promises I'll be able to fit them all in or where I will fit them if I do fit them in but I'll try to). I'm not quite satisfied this was funny enough but I'm posting this chapter anyways because you my dear readers who have stuck with me, faved me and reviwed deserve anther chapoter for sticking with me even when I couldn't update due to experiencing writers block for this story.

So please...

**Read and review?**

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	5. rules 38 to 48

K , requisite disclaimer: Don't own, not making money from this, please don't sue if you DO own (full disclaimer can be found in chapter 1)

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Shoutouts: MISCrasyaboutfanfics sorry about that. DarkButterfly128 undoubtably. Transformer diva thanks for the review. Deceptifemme I would be honored thanks.

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We now return to the Transformers.

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**Surviving Living with decepticons pt 5**

Well... here I am, back again, writing more rules for you human decepticon agents to follow. I swear... sometimes I wonder they were thinking when they recruited you people to work under me.

Is it REALLY that hard to obey a few rules and use some common sense?

Ok... maybe for you it is. Well here goes another batch of rules for you to follow that you should already be following because they are just common sense...

I really really really can not believe I have to write up these rules (especially rule 38). I really can't. I can't even believe one of you idiots did that making me have to write a rule about it.

**38. **It is now hereafter forbidden for all human decepticon agents to perform weapons cleaning and or maintenance on any weapons be they your own or someone else's, without unloading and disarming your weapons firing capabilities first.

I thought THAT was a no brainer. Seriously... Who in their right minds performs cleaning or maintenance on a weapon with it still fully loaded and armed with the safety off and pointed at their numbskull? Wait nix that question. None of you are in your right minds or you wouldn't be here.

**39. **It is now strictly forbidden to sing "the song that doesn't end", "it's a small world after all" and 1 trillion bottles of beer (or energon) on the wall or any other numerical variations of said beer/energon song. You do not want to know the penalty for breaking this rule is. You do not. You just don't. And... If you really are serious and really do want to know... Just ask... no wait you can't.

**40. **It is now official and final. Barney, Teletubbies, and all other annoying aggravating children's television shows (even if they are on DVD/VHS or other formats and not airing on TV currently) are now permanently banned from being viewed on base. Non-annoying, non-aggravating children's shows are also banned from being viewed on base except on national 'Take your child to work' day and even on take your child to work day may only be viewed by said children and only in said children's presence.

**41. **It is forbidden for any human decepticon agents to mention the goldfish rainbow trout hacky sack incident under penalty of having to translate and reprint out in English, French, Spanish, Chinese, Swahili, Arabic and Russian ALL 6563 pages of Soundwave's cybertronian treatise of the curious effects of varying sound wave frequencies on organic organisms in triplicate.

2nd offenses are punishable by having to copy out in said languages decuple times Shockwave's 10 billion page report on everything that happened on Cyberton during the 4million years that Megatron and the others were in absentia

**42. **All human decepticon agents are hereby ordered under strictest penalty to use deodorant under strictest penalty up to an including potentially permanent contractual termination with no possibilities of reemployment ever.

**43. **Do NOT shave each other bald and spray paint yourselves with various colors of paint (and don't spray paint the Decepticons either). Apparently, Hook thinks we're crazy now...and I personally don't blame him.

**44. **Knock knock jokes are now banned. Apparently Cybertronians, as advanced as they are, will lock up and freeze up trying to decipher the logic behind jokes such as "knock knock. who's there? Boo. Boo who? Aw, there, there … don't cry.

**45. **Night Vision goggles are now permanently forbidden for use for watching solar eclipses and if I ever catch whoever it was who told T to use them for that purpose they better pray to Primus I don't catch them. Anyone know where to find a new cartographer?

**46. **It is now forbidden to leave laundry (especially underwear) hanging in the Nemesis control room! This rule take is effective immediately (it would be retroactive if it was possible). I do have to agree with Skywarp though... it WAS funny when Megatron got hung up on Y's boxers.

**47. **It is now forbidden to introduce Soundwave's twin cassettes Rumble or Frenzy to earth novelty songs. They are still out hunting for the purple people eater and Soundwave is getting pretty pissed about it.

**48. **It is now forbidden to fawn over Starscream and hero worship him in Megatron's presence. It annoys Megatron. And you know what happens to things that annoy Megatron don't you? Of course you do. Annoyed Megatron + fusion cannon = vacuuming.

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please R&R.

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	6. rules: the Christmas New Years edition 1

K , requisite disclaimer: Don't own, not making money from this, please don't sue if you DO own (full disclaimer can be found in chapter 1)

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Shout outs...

OK so I lost my notes of who all I was gonna give shout outs to so... Thanks to all my wonderful readers who have reviewed, favorited, or alerted. Sorry I can't name you all this time, but it wouldn't be fair to those who's names I lost when I lost my notes on who to give shout outs to for me to only name some of you and forget others. If I only named some of you and not all, someone might end up feeling unappreciated or hurt from being accidentally left out. So... next time shout outs will be as usual but for this time... its just ...

_Thanks all for reading and reviewing and favoriting and alerting, I can't even begin to tell you how much you all are appreciated. And I'm sorry I can't name you all this time around for fairness's sake._

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We now return to Transformers

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**Surviving Living with decepticons: The Special Christmas new Years Edition**

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I can't believe it, I am back again writing even more rules for you human decepticon agents to follow. I really can't even believe you all did that! Actually I can. You're all a bunch of nimrods. OK so for future Christmas and New Years, here are the new rules. Follow or else. I mean it. I am still picking goop out from under my fingernails after I had to clean up after... What was his name again? Never mind it doesn't matter anyways.

OK so...

**1.** **Tinsel is now and forever more banned from the decepticon base** under penalty of being given a millennial checkup with Hook. Yes I said Millennial. Yes that's worse then an annual physical. And no I am not going to tell you what it entails, break this rule and find out for yourself. Apparently tinsel in cybertronian joints causes inexpressible pain as it burns and melts. Apparently, it also gums up joints so badly that it necessitates a hour long visit to Hook to repair. Therefore, it is now permanently banned.

**2. Christmas trees are now banned on base.** Apparently they pose a fire hazard when mixed with Energon. Who knew Christmas trees were so combustible? Seriously, how was I to know that ducking flying energon during an energon food fight and letting it hit the Christmas tree would cause a fire? Still... Better it then me :p

**3. Live turkeys are now forbidden from base forever more, not only at Christmas but at any and all times of the year.**

**4. It is forbidden to make a pinata out of a live turkey on base ever.** Not only is it noisy and messy, it gave Rumble and Frenzy bad ideas. I am still cleaning up after they decided to use Checkov as a pinata.

**5.** **It is now forbidden to hang mistletoe up anywhere around the base at any time** but especially at Christmas and especially in the rec room or in doorways. Megatron, Starscream, Soundwave, Shockwave and Hook now are convinced we human are crazy after a rash of kissing the decepticon high command occurred. Apparently they do no like kissing and getting our sticky wet organic matter on themselves (can't blame them, T kissed me and I'm still trying to get her lipstick off my collar)

**6. It is now forbidden or any human decepticon agents to kiss their commanding officer **under penalty of a visit to hook for a gastro-intestinal exam.** It is doubly so forbidden to do so if your commanding officer is the same sex as you are.** I am still trying to convince the decepticons that I am not gay, and that it was all the mistletoe's fault (which by that way is now forbidden on bass forever more see rule number 5 of these Christmas rules)

**7. It is forbidden to let off fireworks in the base to celebrate New Years.** Really. Fireworks? In an underwater bass? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Its lucky most of you dim wits can swim.

**8. **It is forbidden to be drunk on duty or show up hungover. I cannot believe you mistook Sideswipe for Breakdown. Seriously. They aren't even the same color!

**9. **Trying to explain what Christmas is about to the decepticons is now forbidden. They have made it quite clear that they do not want to hear about a baby born 2000 years ago, a manger, a virgin mother, angels, shepherds, wise men or anything else related to Christmas (including Christmas carols). They squashed the last 4 who tried explaining Christmas and I do not want to go on another recruiting drive so soon after the last 1.

**10.** Caroling the halls of the Nemesis is now forbidden. The cons do not like getting woken up in the middle of the night when recharging off duty, it greatly angers them (not that I blame them I don't like getting woken up in the middle of the night either. I especially didn't like getting woke up by cannon fire to learn that my human decepticon agents were now volunteer moving targets for the decepticons to practice their aim on)

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**This concludes the holiday edition of surviving living with the decepticons the rules.** Please read and review and accept my apologies for not being able to give named shout outs this time (I just didn't want anyone to feel hurt neglected or left out if I forgot to shout out to them on account o having lost my list of who all reviewed, favorited, or alerted for this story). Please R&R

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**Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays (in case you don't do Christmas), and Happy New year to all**


	7. rules: the January white sale rules 1

_(story is continued below this author note-this isn't one of those author note announcement only/fake story alerts, I did continue below this note if you'll bear with me and please read the note first)_

_**AUTHORS NOTE****  
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**__**Due to the fact that someone has plagiarized this story I am making an official authors announcement **_

_**I am not going to name names and so name the person who did this(they don't deserve recognition), I already reported them for plagiarism, and they themselves know who they are.**_

_**The announcement is this...**_

_**While I have no problem with someone using my story as jump off point for their own story so long as they have my permission and give me credit for originating the idea, I do have a problem with anyone copying my work and presenting it as their own while failing to credit me for my work. I have a problem with someone copying my work and presenting my style of writing as if it was theirs as well (no offense but please write in your own style don't steal mine and pretend its yours)**_

_**To be specific, JUMPING OFF (basing a story on something I have written) means for example, If I have a rule saying silly putty is forbidden because it can be mistaken for plastic explosives (which I do) jumping off would be writing a story where said occurrence happened to a character and giving an in depth elaboration of it. Such a jump off story would elaborate with a who it happened to, what happened, where it happened, when it happened, why it happened and how it happened , what the consequences of it happening were and what the end result is/was. Jumping off is NOT repeating my rule and taking on an extra sentence or 2 to it or changing a couple words.**_

_**so...**_

_**First... Ask me if you can do a story based on it (unless I say yes please do not write one)**_

_**Second... Credit me for the idea (say who wrote the original idea or whose idea inspired you to write yours) AND mention not only me the author but what story inspired your story (when it is based on my work). If you don't credit the originator, firstly you're breaking the law, and secondly I will report it, and thirdly by failing to credit me you are ruining your own reputation as a writer when people find out you stole from someone else.**_

_**Third... let me approve it before you post it (so that I can see for myself you aren't just copying and pasting what I wrote and pretending it is your own work-not that you would necessarily but since that DID happen I want to approve of anything based off my work).**_

___I was tempted to only post an authors note because I am so P'O'd that the person copies and pasted my work as their own and pretended it was their own without giving me credit for my work They literally copied my work and put it as their own tacking on a sentence here or their and changing a word here or there leaving the main body in MY writing style word for word in most cases and pretended it was theirs giving me no credit at all for my work. BUT I didn't I did write some rules for you my lovely readers._

___I was tempted to write who they are here but I am trying to be nice I am also trying not to be a B about it. I hope I succeeded in avoiding being a B. In any case I decided it wouldn't be fair to you my readers to only do a note since you were so kind as to add me to your favorites and alerts so this chapter is for you my loyal readers. I wasn't feeling very cheerful after the plagiarism of my work but I gave it a shot at putting out some rules anyways, I doubt its up to my usual quality and if not please forgive me for it being less then stellar, hopefully you'll at least give me credit for trying to produce in spite of being P'O'd. I know its a bit short but here goes..._

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Now that all that has been said...

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OK, to sum up requisite disclaimers: I don't own transformers I'm not making a penny off this please don't sue (for my full in depth disclaimer please refer back to the top of chapter 1)

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we now return to the Transformers

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**SPECIAL EDITION JANUARY WHITE SALE RULES**

I cannot believe it, I have to write up even more rules. I really can't. Every time I think I've got everything covered you people find even more insane things to do that have to be outlawed. Your stupidity astounds me. Really. It just astounds me.

So on with the January White Sales rules

**1.** It is now forbidden for any human decepticon agent to towels or face cloths in quantities in excess of 1 each. You bought 10 thousand and 1 white towels! Where are we supposed to put them? What were you going to do with them? Decepticons don't use towels! You don't use towels! I don't use towels. Nobody uses towels on this base! We have a hot air convection drying station that we use to dry everything including ourselves with. We do not want or need 10 thousand and 1 towels. **TAKE THEM BACK! TAKE ALL 10,001OF THEM BACK!  
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**2.** It is now expressly forbidden to buy sheets or pillow cases in quantities in excess of 1 each. **What were you thinking buying 2001 sheets? We don't even have 100 human decepticon agents living here and you bought 2001 fitted sheets, 2001 flat sheets, and 4002 pillow cases!** **WE ALREADY HAD PILLOW CASES AND SHEETS FOR ALL. WE DIDN'T NEED MORE. WE ESPECIALLY DID NOT NEED 2001 MORE FITTED SHEETS 2001 MORE FLAT SHEETS AND 4002 PILLOWCASES!**

**3.** Going to white sales without a chaperone consisting of either myself or one of the decepticons is now forbidden. If you don't like it just reread rules 1 and 2 of the January White sale rules! That's why you are forbidden to shop white sales without a chaperone! 10,001 Towels! 2001 Fitted sheets! 2001 Flat sheets! 4002 pillowcases! 

**4.** It is now forbidden to shop for laundry soap without a chaperone. **I don't care if we had 10, 001 towels, 2001 fitted sheets, 2001 flat sheets, and 4002 pillow cases we do not need 40 million gallons of bleach! WE ARE RETURNING THE TOWELS, WE ARE RETURNING THE PILLOW CASES, WE ARE RETURNING THE FLAT AND FITTED SHEETS **_**AND WE ARE RETURNING THE BLEACH!**_

**5.** All human decepticon agents are now expressly forbidden to take Skywarp to white sales! Starscream is still yelling his vocalizers out about stupid pathetic humans and Soundwave is still out hunting for whoever gave Skywarp the idea to throw sheets over himself and warp behind people going "Boo! I'm a ghost! Run Run Run!" whoever you are who gave Skywarp that idea you better run like the wind because Soundwave is P'O'd because he scared Ratbat!

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_Please R & R_

_**Additional note:** **If you see my work posted anywhere by another author without permission or who did not credit me for what is mine please tell me** (and feel free to report them if you wish, but definately notify me regardless)_


	8. Rules 49 to 60

OK, to sum up requisite disclaimers: I don't own transformers I'm not making a penny off this please don't sue (for my full in depth disclaimer please refer back to the top of chapter 1).

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And now for the...

Shout outs: Rebeldynasty, Starbees, Noella50881, and TheChippedCup Thanks :)

(and shout outs to any who reviewed, favorited, or added to alerts this story previously, If I forgot to name you I'm sorry, as I said in ch 6 I lost some of the messages I had been trying to save so I could remember who alerted, favorited and reviewed for this story-so If I haven't named you, you are appreciated don't think you aren't)

**Update on the plagiarism situation**

**_The plagiarized story has been withdrawn or deleted whether fanfiction deleted it or the author did I don't know_**_(I don't even want to call him/her that because they can't be an 'author' when over 90% of the content was stolen from me, but for lack of a better term, I'll use author even though that it giving extreme liberties under the circumstances that occurred)._

_SPECIAL THANKS to Rebeldynasty for supporting me and telling that author taking other person's work wasn't right and they should delete the story (and also to the reviewer of that deleted story for likewise supporting me and telling them so, sorry I forgot your name, if your reading this please accept my apologies for that as well)_

_(And in case it was fanfiction not the author of the story that deleted the plagiarized work, Thanks fanfiction, if that was the case)_

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We now return you to your regularly scheduled program already in progress.

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**How to Survive Living with Decepticons part 6**

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So once again I am writing up more rules for you human decepticon agents. It seems to me as if that's all I've been doing lately here at the base, writing rules for you and vacuuming up after you.

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**49.** It is now and forever more forbidden for any human decepticon agents on the base to ever ever ever again say to any Decepticon under any circumstances no matter what they may be, to say "Just shoot me". They will, and I will not only be stuck cleaning up the mess, but I will also be forced to go on another recruiting drive. Oh how I hate recruiting drives.

**50.** Saying "I am sick and tired of this" is now forbidden. Unless you really are sick or really are tired do not ever say you are. I just lost 12 more recruits after they, at different intervals said they were "sick and tired of Christmas and wish it was over already".They all got sent to Hook for medical check ups and they haven't yet returned (it's been 3 days, I've given up hope of ever seeing any of them again. I've long since learned that if a recruit does not return from an appointment with hook within 24 hours they will never return from it).

**51.** Doing the chicken dance on base (or anywhere else for that matter) is now forbidden. Both the Autobums and Decepticons thought my agents were having epileptic fits or being electrocuted when they saw you all doing the chicken dance. The Cons laughed and thought it was funny. The Autobums sent First Aid and Ratchet over to check if you were OK.

**52.** It is forbidden to allow Ratchet or First Aid to perform check ups on you human decepticon agents. That is why we have Hook. Not only that but I am very fed up with having you all declared mentally incompetent and medically unfit and being sent to Bedlam for observation.

**53.** It is forbidden to teach any of the casetticons human dances. Ever. Soundwave caught them doing the robot and sent them to Hook for a check up. Hook was P'O'd. It wasted his time. There was nothing wrong with them. Soundwave is P'O'd too. He was made to look like a fool for sending his cassettes in for a check up for no reason.

**54.** It is forbidden to P'O' Soundwave. I cannot get that image of Uhura's head exploding out of my mind *shivers in remembrance*. Plus, I had to clean up the mess. Again.

**55.** Videos of humans (or anything else) performing the Can Can are now banned from base. Kirk showed them at the last decepticon party. The Stunticon's tried to replicate the dance. We had casualties (not all of them humans).

**56.** Videos of any human forms of dance are banned from the base. The reason can be found in rules 51 AND 55. cassettes chicken dancing. Stunticon's CanCan-ing at the party. Can I be any more specific? Maybe. But I won't those are reason enough to ban videos of dances.

**57.** Flipping off Megatron is forbidden. Flipping off Starscream is strongly discouraged. Flipping off Soundwave will get you no where except Hook's med bay to see why your finger is malfunctioning.

**58.** It is forbidden too tell Starscream he looks like a triangle. At first he didn't take offence. Then he learnt that a triangle is a human musical instrument played by beating up on it. He didn't like that at all. It reminded him too much of how Megatron plays with him.

**59.** Flicking the lights on and off rapidly pretending it is lightnening is now forbidden. Not only does it annoy the heck out of me and the cons, it also makes them think your insane. When the cons think you are insane you get sent to Hook. When will you learn?

**60.** Playing Marco polo and blind man's bluff are now forbidden. Having the cons running or even walking around with their optics turned off trying to find you is extremely dangerous. Especially when they are drunk on high grade. Its dangerous anytime. So its forbidden. Forever.

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please R&R

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**A/N : I appologoze for the false ch 9 alert. I was editing this chapter and accidentally uploaded it twice once as ch 8 once as ch 9. There will be a chapter 9 but not tonight.**

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PS. Did you spot the hidden tribute to a classic sci fi show?

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